


Polaroids in a Duffel Bag

by Wonderlandleighleigh



Series: Photos old and new [4]
Category: Batman (Comics), Supernatural
Genre: AU, F/M, Gen, Kid Fic, Ugh, angsted all over the damn place
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-14 00:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12995409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wonderlandleighleigh/pseuds/Wonderlandleighleigh
Summary: Dean gets a say. Ramona Winchester through her dad's eyes.





	Polaroids in a Duffel Bag

1.

Dad’s right. 

He doesn’t know shit about babies. 

But Dean Winchester holds his little girl for the very first time, and he’s just...in love. She’s so small, and helpless, and he can’t imagine doing anything at all except taking care of this tiny human wrapped in old blankets. 

Her mom doesn’t want her...didn’t want to get an abortion, but she doesn’t want a baby. They’re seventeen, and she wants to go to college. 

“I’ll take her,” Dean says automatically. “I...I want her. I want my daughter.” 

John Winchester pinches the bridge of his nose in a way Dean knows well, but he doesn’t care. 

“She’s my daughter.” 

2\. 

Ramona Mary is a sweet baby. Quiet, mostly. Sure, she cries sometimes, but most of the time, she’s easy. 

They go on long hunts and they leave Sam with the baby, which he hates. If Ramona is sick, Dean stays behind (which pisses Dad off to no end). 

It takes a few months but Dad starts to warm up. There are late nights when he gets up to change her diaper that Dean hears the old man talking to her quietly...catches him playing with her feet. 

“Your Gramps is a silly bastard, Ramona, don’t listen to him,” Dean will mutter out, and dad will snort. 

“Shut up, Dean.” 

3\. 

January is so damn cold. 

She’s five months old, and it’s so cold, and the heat is busted in their motel room, and Dean stays up all night because he can handle cold like this, but a baby? 

“No, you can’t sleep in the car with the heat on, you’ll run the battery down,” Dad says. 

So he swaddles her in blankets and holds her close, feeling her little body shiver against his chest, and vows to force Dad to pick the second-crappiest motel in the area next time instead of the number one crappiest, because holy shit.

He’s never been so relieved when the sun comes up and the little girl in his arms is still breathing.

He smiles even wider when she looks up at him and pats his chin and says “dada.” 

4\. 

“I should stop hunting.” 

“No.” 

“Dad-” 

“Dean-” 

“She got shot, Dad!” Dean yells. 

They’re standing in the parking lot of the hospital. The hospital where his four-year-old daughter is lying scared and confused and in pain after being gutshot. 

“We’ve all been shot, Dean.” 

“She’s four,” Dean snaps. “She’s still pretty much a baby.” 

“Were you a baby at four?” Dad snaps back.

“Yes!” Dean roars. “Yes, I was! I had to act like an adult, but-” 

“Well, life we live, so does she,” John says. “Docs patched her up real good, we’ll be outta here in an hour.” 

“No.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“No. She’s staying the night,” Dean says. “I’m not takin chances with this, she almost died.” 

“We’ve all-” 

“No,” Dean says firmly. “You can go get a room for the night or whatever, but I’m staying here, and so is Ramona.” 

“Dean’s right,” Sam says as he walks up carrying three cups of coffee. “If her wound gets infected or stitches pop...she’s too young for us to deal with it without making it worse.” 

“Oh, yeah, mister smartie pants?” Dad scoffs. “Thought you wanted to be a lawyer, not a doctor.” 

“Basic common sense is a pretty valuable tool, Dad, maybe you should try it sometimes.” 

“Hey!” Dean snaps. “No fighting right now. Ramona needs us.” 

“You baby her too much.” 

“She’s a baby!” Dean and Sam cry in unison.

Dad groans. “Fine. You know what? There’s a hunt a few towns over, you boys can stay here, wait for Ramona to finish patchin up, and I’ll swing back around for you. A week. Maybe two.” 

“Sounds great,” Sam says. “Have fun. Send a postcard.” 

Anger bubbles up in their Dad again. “Y’know what, Sammy? I am getting sick and tired of your-” 

“Just go, Dad,” Dean cuts him off. “Call us if things go south.”

“They won’t.” 

As he tromps off, Dean sighs. “I’d call you with updates about your granddaughter, but I’m pretty damn sure you don’t care.” 

Sam pats his shoulder gently.

5\. 

Halloween shopping with a five-year-old girl is a new adventure for Dean.

The thrift store actually has a pretty decent selection, for being in the middle of nowhere on Maryland’s Eastern Shore. 

“Hey, Ramona, you could be Tinkerbell,” Dean says, pulling out a green fairy costume. 

Ramona wrinkles her nose. “Tinkerbell is mean, Daddy,” she points out as she looks at a little metal tiara. 

Dean considered. “I guess she is kind of a dick, huh?” 

Ramona giggles as they keep looking, and Dean pulls out a light blue Cinderella gown. 

“Hey, Sweetheart, c’mere,” Dean says. 

Ramona dashes up, eyes wide and face open, and when he holds up the Cinderella gown, she lights up. 

“What do you think?” 

“Woooow,” she says quietly. 

“Yeah?” He holds the dress up to Ramona’s tiny frame and judges the sizing (which is something he’s gotten good at since becoming a dad which is weird as hell). “I think it’ll fit you fine.” 

“Really? I can be Cinderella?” 

“Yep.” 

She hugs his leg happily and takes the dress, looking at it excitedly. 

He snags a pair of old jellies in her size, to go with it and like that, his baby girl has her first Halloween costume. 

“Shouldn’t be goin out on Halloween,” John says later as they’re getting ready. 

“Well, it makes Ramona happy,” Dean says, relacing his boots and adjusting his jacket. 

“She’s a spoiled brat, your girl.” 

“You didn’t think she was so spoiled when she was makin you a ham sandwich at three in the morning when you got in from a hunt,” Dean points out. 

“I’m ready!” Ramona says as she dashes in in her dress. 

“You look like a Princess,” Dean beams. He pulls a comb from his back pocket and straightens her hair out a little. That tiara Ramona had been looking at would have been nice, but he didn’t have the cash for it, and he’s not ready to teach her what a five-finger discount is. 

“Gramps are you coming with?” 

“Nah, Gramps is gonna stay in and watch infomercials and be grumpy.” 

Dad rolls his eyes. “Have fun I guess.” 

“We will!” 

6\. 

Stanford is breezy in November, but not actually cold because hell, it’s California, and Dean’s happy to only need a light jacket. 

So is Ramona, he knows, who is holding onto his hand tightly as they wait in the cavernous lobby of Sammy’s dorm. They’d asked the kid at the front desk to give him a call, tell him they were there. 

It takes a few minutes for Sammy to come down, but he’s looking pretty sullen when he does. 

Dean grins awkwardly, getting to his feet. 

“Uncle Sammy!” Ramona runs and hugs her uncle’s leg tightly. 

“Hey,” Dean says, grinning still. “Happy birthday, Sammy.” 

Sam frowns and looks around a little. “Uh...no Dad?” 

Dean shrugs. “He uh...he doesn’t know we’re here…” 

Sam nods slowly. “What uh...what are you doing here?” 

“Well, we were in the neighborhood…” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“We wanted to take you out for a burger, maybe a slice of birthday pie,” Dean shrugs, trying to gauge his brother’s reaction. He wants him to relax; to realize that there really isn’t anymore to this. 

“You’re not here on a hunt?” 

“We were up in Washington State a few days ago, but-” 

“Shouldn’t Ramona be in school?” Sam asks. 

Dean blows out a breath. “C’mon, man. I’m tryin’ here... I came here cause it’s your birthday, and you’re my brother. You gonna let me take you out or what?” 

Sam blows out a breath and peels Ramona from his leg gently. “I have class..” 

Dean nods slowly. “Right. Yeah. Of course.” 

Sam sighs. “But...since Ramona’s already skipping school...I guess I could play hookie, just this once.” 

Ramona cheers, and Dean grins widely.

7.

“QUIT IT!” 

Ramona giggles from the back seat of the Impala. 

They’ve been driving Sam nuts for hours, driving across the country; Georgia to Oregon. Putting things in his mouth when he sleeps, tugging at his hair juuuuust a little bit. Ramona’s been kicking the back of his seat, too. 

Normally Dean wouldn’t be okay with that. Kicking his car is not something he endorses, but this one time...well…

“You guys suck!” Sam growls, and Ramona giggles louder. 

Dean smirks. “Yes we do.” 

8.

When she cries, it’s quietly. It always has been. 

At the age of ten, she sits on the old couch in Bobby’s house, sniffling and rubbing at her eyes. 

He glances at her, guilt bubbling in his gut, and the reality sinks in slowly. 

He chose Sam’s over his own, which means that in a year, he’ll be leaving Ramona. 

“Uncle Sammy...he’ll look after you when I’m gone,” he tells her softly. “And Uncle Bobby. There’s Ellen and Jo, too…” 

Ramona says nothing. She doesn’t even look at him. 

9\. 

She isn’t thrilled when they move in with Lisa and Ben, and he knows it. She doesn’t like Lisa much, and likes Ben even less. She’s fourteen now, growing up, and so, so different.

He can tell when her behavior starts to nosedive; she keeps her bedroom door closed and locked. She doesn’t talk to him anymore, not really. 

He goes out early one morning and grabs donuts for them; hot chocolate for her and coffee for him, and knocks on her door. 

“Hey Princess, you want some breakfast?” 

He gets no answer, and he blows out a breath. 

Teenaged girls are not a force that Dean Winchester is used to reckoning with, and he longs for the days when his little girl was little; when she looked at him like he hung the moon. 

He gets the feeling he ruined that when he sold his soul and got dragged off to hell; when this little girl swung open the trunk of the Impala and found his cold, mutilated corpse inside. 

Bobby told him out that. He’s pretty sure she’ll never be the same. 

But Dean sees glimpses of his little girl in there sometimes, so he doesn’t give up. 

“I got your favorite,” he tells her. “Boston cream.” 

The door opens moments later, and she looks up at him. 

He smiles. “Hey, I said the magic words.” 

Ramona smiles a little, but it’s distant. It’s not the one from the faded photos he keeps in his wallet, and it hurts a little. 

“C’mon,” he says. “Let’s go eat on the porch. See if the neighbor lady attacks anymore of her husband’s side pieces with the hose.” 

That gets a giggle, and Dean is, for a moment, relieved. 

10\. 

When she turns sixteen, Dean starts to notice things get different.

People start to treat her different. 

They notice that she got pretty fast. They comment that she’s a “pretty young thing,” and it makes Dean’s blood boil. 

“You ever treat my kid like a thing instead of a human, you’ll be licking up your own spleen after I rip it out.” 

He keeps an eye on Crowley. Crowley seems to be the worst. The way he looks at her. The way he leers. 

He watches as Crowley keeps his eyes on Ramona’s backside as she leaves the room one day. 

“You keep staring at her like that, I’ll scoop your eyes out with a melon baller and light them on fire,” Dean tells him. 

“If she wasn’t yours, you’d be looking too,” Crowley comments. 

Sam confiscates the melon baller after that.

11\. 

“You told her to do WHAT?!” 

Jody rolls her eyes at him. “I told her that she should start looking at places to go to school,” she tells him. “She’s seventeen, Dean. She can’t stay here forever.” 

“Why the hell not?!” 

“You really want her to be trapped in the hunting life like this?” Jody snaps. “Cooking for you? Dressing your wounds? Watching you and Sam die and come back and die and come back? What kind of life is that for a young woman?” 

Dean lets the anger bubble out of him as he sits at the kitchen table in the bunker. 

“She deserves more. Don’t you want her to have more?” 

“Who’s gonna keep her safe?” Dean asks. “If we’re not with her, anything could come after her.” 

“And if something does, you’ll be right there to stop it,” Jody assures him. “But you gotta let her have a life. You and Sam didn’t get the chance, and that sucks. But don’t do that to her.” 

He clenches his jaw, but it’s hard to disagree. 

12\. 

He helps her pack the car, and hugs her tightly. “You be safe. And you be good.” He kisses the top of her head. “And you call me if anything comes up. Anything. I don’t care what it is. Flat tire, demons, angels, or if you run outta money or snacks. I wanna know.” 

She smiles. She’s started smiling more since she started planning to leave, and Dean feels good and bad about that. 

“I will, Daddy. I promise.” 

He nods, satisfied that she’s taking him seriously. “Okay. Okay, then.” 

They stand in silence for a long moment.

He swallows, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I uh…” 

She smiles sadly. “I know, Daddy.” 

“No, I need to say it,” he says, gentle, but firm. He looks out at the road and leans against the trunk of her car. “I was too young when you were born, and this was...hell, Princess. This was never any life for a little kid.” 

“Daddy-” 

“Not done.” 

She closes her mouth, wrapping her arms around herself. 

“The point is…” he rubs at the back of his neck. “I love the crap out of you. And I’m so damn proud of you. You’re smart, and sweet, and you’re gonna do great things.” 

Ramona steps forward and hugs him tightly, her arms wrapped around his neck and her face buried in against his shoulder. 

“You know, when you were little, you once asked me why your grandfather was so mad about Uncle Sammy goin to college,” Dean chuckles sadly. He pulls her away and rubs her shoulder. “This is why. Cause lettin go is the hardest damn thing. Even when it’s right.” 

She wipes her eyes. “I’ll call. And visit. I promise.” 

Dean grins and ruffles her hair gently. “You better. Don’t think I won’t drive out there, because I will.” 

She’s off a few minutes later, driving down the road and he watches, as Sam steps up beside him, handing him a beer. 

13\. 

He comes to Gotham when she graduates cooking school, sitting down at the restaurant she’s been working in, celebrating with two fingers scotch and a very large steak. 

The boyfriend is there, and her coworkers and boss all make appearances, Dean takes in how Ramona has changed; what she’s like now. 

Her hair is longer, and curled just a little in that way that girls seem to know how to do, and she’s wearing more make-up, but that might just be the occasion. She talks the same; eats the same way she always has. One of her hands is under the table and Dean knows it’s latched to the boyfriend’s hand.

The boyfriend. 

He’s not awful; smart. He’s got money and a helluva job, working for Wayne Enterprises. Ramona says he’s sweet, and Dean doesn’t pick up on any red flags.

Seems okay. As okay as any kid dating Dean’s sweet, beautiful, perfect, talented amazing daughter can be. 

They settle up the check, Dean paying (“And whose name is on the credit card?” Ramona jokes), and he and the kid wait outside the restaurant f or Ramona to finish talking to her boss. 

“It’s so nice to have you here, Mr. Winchester,” the kid says. “I know Ramona is so excited that you came all this way.” 

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Dean grins tightly. “But uh...now that it’s just you and me, I feel like we need to have a little chat.” 

The kid swallows. “Uh...yeah. O-okay.” 

“You nervous?” Dean asks, grinning still. 

He nods. 

Dean chuckles. “Good.” 

“Look, Sir, I-” 

“Raising that girl was hands down, the best thing I ever did,” Dean cuts him off. 

The kid says nothing, waiting for the axe to fall. 

“And I’m positive that the worst thing in the world is seeing her cry,” Dean goes on. “So here’s that threat I know you’ve been waiting for since we met the last time: If you break her heart; if you make her cry, I won’t kill you. But you’ll beg me to.” 

There’s no time to say anything else as Ramona steps out, beaming at them. 

“Who’s up for pie? I know the best pie in town,” she says, hooking an arm through each of theirs. 

“You know how I love pie,” Dean smiles, keeping his eyes on the kid, who gulps and manages a smile. 

“Uh...pie sounds great.” 

“Great!” Ramona chirps. 

“Yeah,” Dean smirks. “Great.” 

14\. 

They have the best Christmas ever the same year. 

Jody hosts in her cozy house in Sioux Falls, with Claire and Alex in attendance, and he and Sammy show up late a few nights before to find that Ramona and Tim are already there. 

“What...is that?” Dean asks, boggling at the enormous ham sitting in a big in an equally enormous cooler. 

“The ham, Daddy,” Ramona says, amused. 

“That’s the biggest damn ham I’ve ever seen!” Dean cries. 

“Blame your daughter,” Jody jokes as she hands Dean a beer. “She smuggled all thirty pounds of it halfway across the country.” 

“We stopped for more ice three times,” Tim tells them. “I’ve never seen Ramona baby anything like she babied that ham.” 

“Look, it died so we could eat it,” Ramona defends herself with a laugh. “The least we can do is treat it with some respect.” 

They all laugh, and while Sam catches up with Tim and Ramona in the living room, Dean hangs back in the kitchen. 

“Things been okay?” 

“Havin’ all three girls under one roof’s been entertaining.” 

“Oh?” 

“Well...Alex is no trouble, but you know how Claire is. She wants so bad to prove how tough she is, and then she looks at Ramona, and gets grumpy.’ 

“Cause Ramona don’t give a damn,” Dean nods. 

“She really doesn’t,” Jody agrees. She sighs. “Claire tried to call her out for leaving you and Sam behind.” 

Dean wrinkles his nose. “What?” 

“Mhm.” Jody takes a sip of her beer. “Ramona told Claire to take her shame and shove it up her ass, and then she added more rosemary to the ham’s brining bag like it never happened.”

Dean chuckles and shakes his head. “That’s my Princess. All class even when she’s tearing somebody a new one...Claire okay?” 

“She’ll live,” Jody shrugs. “She could probably use a pep talk, though.” 

“I’ll add that to my Christmas to-do list,” Dean nods, glancing out into the living room, glancing at Tim and Ramona and Sam. “God, she’s so grown-up.” 

“She’s twenty-one,” Jody smiles fondly. “She can legally drink,, she’s got her own place and her own career, and a boyfriend...they could get married some day.” 

“Ugh. That kid?” 

“Oh, please,” Jody laughs. “You’d hate anybody who dated your daughter.” 

“Damn right.” 

“Shut up and drink your beer,” Jody orders. “And be nice to Tim. It’s bad enough Ramona and Claire ain’t gettin along, we don’t need you to scare the bejesus about of that poor kid.” 

“Stop trying to ruin Christmas.” 

 

15\. 

He calls late, and he knows it’s late, but hell...if he’s gonna die in the morning, late’s not really a concept that matters. 

Her voice is groggy, but she’s not mad. Ramona doesn’t do mad often. “Hello?” 

“Hey, Princess.” 

“Daddy? What’s wrong?” 

“Ah, nothin,” Dean says casually. “Y’know. Just...up. Thinkin.” 

“About what?” 

He pauses. He’s thinking about a lot of things. Life and death and his life and her life and all the shit he’s put her through year in and year out. All the things he didn’t do for her. All the things he could have done to make things better, and didn’t out of pride or fear or whatever the hell has kept him hunting all this time.

“You remember...you remember that county fair that one time? God it was...I dunno. You musta been like...six. And we were in Iowa at the county fair after a job. I had a busted lip and a broken thumb, but I promised you that if you were good while Gramps and I were out on that hunt, I’d take you to the fair to ride the ferris wheel.” 

He can hear her smiling. “I remember.” 

“They had the best chili dogs ever,” Dean goes on. “And you ate so much candy corn you tossed your cookies on a clown.” 

“That was not my finest hour.” 

“I wish we’d had a cell phone back then, your Uncle Sammy woulda loved to see that.” 

She doesn’t answer for a long moment. 

“Daddy, what’s-” 

“And you remember- ah you probably don’t. You were two,” Dean says with a grin. “But we were in Massachusetts, and we got snowed in at this old inn and we built a snowman and Gramps taught you how to pack a snowball. And you were making these...tiny little snowballs that were packed so tight they hurt like hell when you threw ‘em.” 

“Daddy…” 

“Yeah, I know. I know. It’s late, and I’m drunk,” he lies. 

“I keep telling you to lay off the sauce, it’s not good for your liver.” 

Dean chuckles softly. “Yeah...yeah. Do you uh...do you remember when you were four? And you got hurt?” 

She pauses, and he waits. 

“Some,” she admits. “Not a whole lot...It hurt like hell, and Gramps was nicer to me than usual…” 

He sighs. “I found you this...this Cinderella doll. It was one of those cute things that people collect I guess, but it was on sale because they’d made it wrong. They made it with green eyes instead of blue.” 

She smiles again. “I remember that. I loved it.” 

“I know you did. I’m sorry we lost it.” 

“Oh, Daddy, that’s okay. It was just a doll.” 

“It wasn’t,” Dean says, rubbing the back of his neck. “You loved that thing, and you didn’t have a whole lotta toys...we shoulda made a better effort to find it.” 

“I’m sure it got picked up at one of the motels we stayed in,” she says. “It probably went to a cleaning lady’s kid or something. I’m sure it found a good home.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Daddy...are you sure you’re okay? What’s going on?” 

“I’m great, Princess,” he says. “Don’t you worry about me.” 

“Are you coming to visit soon?” 

He looks up at the sky above him, from his spot sitting on the Impala’s hood. “Yeah. Yeah, Sammy and I can swing by...maybe drag Cas along with us. He loves when you make him grits.” 

“I know.” 

“Anyways, it’s late. You probably got work in the morning, and I should go settle my drunk old ass down for the night.” 

“You’re not that old.” 

“Don’t you lie to me, Ramona Mary.” 

She laughs a little. 

“Sweet dreams, Princess. Love you.” 

“Love you, too, Daddy. G’night.” 

He hangs up, and shakes his head at his own cowardice. 

“Did you tell her?” 

Sam climbs up next to him and lays back.

“Nope. Talked about...chili dogs and old dolls and when she puked on a clown…” 

“Sad I missed that.” 

“Well, that’s what you get for goin to college,” Dean jokes.

“You shoulda told her,” Sam says.

“Yeah.” 

“Hell, you coulda driven to see her.” 

“Nah. She woulda come back with me, and there’s no use having three dead Winchesters.” 

“Still.” 

“Yeah. I shoulda told her.” 

“You could call back.” 

Dean says nothing.

“Dean... “ 

“Come on, Sammy. Haven’t I put that kid through enough? It’s better this way.” 

“For you. Is it better for her?” 

“Yes! Look, she...she wakes up tomorrow morning, she goes to work, she comes home...we’ll...we’ll ask Cas to swing by...tell her what happened...I tell her what’s goin down tomorrow, she’s gonna spend her whole day trying to decide whether or not to hop in her car and come try and save our asses. She’s gonna spend the whole day a wreck. I couldn’t spare her all the other crap that came along with being my kid, let me just...let me spare her this once. Just this once.” 

Sam says nothing.

“Across the board, I shoulda done better by her,” Dean admits. “After all the shit motel rooms and bad food or no food, all the school hopping, all the dead friends and family, and me dyin’ god knows how many times, I just...can’t break that kid’s heart again. The only difference between me and Dad is that I let her go without blowing this family up. So just...let me do this one last thing for her.”

“Okay, Dean,” Sam says quietly. “Yeah. Okay.” 

“God I need more whiskey.” 

“Yeah.” 

16\. 

“I don’t know, Man. Tell her...tell her something good.” 

Castiel looks extremely skeptical. “Good.” 

“Yeah. Y’know, just…” Dean blows out a breath. “Fine. Tell her the truth.” 

“I can do that.” 

Dean pulls his old amulet out of his dresser drawer, along with his old photos. “And make sure she gets this stuff. Okay?” 

“I will, Dean.” 

“Okay. Good.” He pulls his gun from the drawer, shoving it into the back of his pants, and stops when he hears his phone buzz. 

When he looks down at it, Ramona’s picture pops up on the screen. It’s old. Nowhere even close to being up-to-date. Fives years old and wearing that Cinderella halloween costume they found all those years ago. 

He lets it go to voicemail.


End file.
